Back to where you once belonged

Today was my first day of not working. I worked Tuesday to Friday mornings at the primary school. I didn't think 12 hours a week would feel like much out of our lives. I used to work 11 hours a week at the local library back in our old lives and that was a fulfilling, worthwhile and meaningful way of earning a bit of cash and reasserting an identify for me away from Ady, Davies and Scarlett, our house, our Home Education, our allotment etc. In short that was somewhere that I was able to be a different part of me that was not part of the rest of my world.

I've been reading a lot lately, by coincidence (although I increasingly question just whether coincidence exists actually, so many things seem to be inserted into life at key moments for reasons which later can look quite contrived) about the challenges of early motherhood. As Davies is just weeks away from teenagerhood and Scarlett is into double figures it does start to feel a very long time ago indeed that I had babies and toddlers. I can recall with fond memories the times that Scarlett emptied a whole tub of sudocrem on her bedroom carpet and Davies redecorated his bedroom with baby powder. The whiff of playdoh is likely to have me smiling in memory of hours spent admiring a creation that was not actually identifiable to anyone but them but to me was the most beautiful sculpture ever rather than fretting about the best way to remove mashed up playdoh from clothing or rugs. It is years since I wiped a bottom or a nose, I'm more likely now to have to engage in a long and teary conversation to sort out troubles than be able to kiss things better. I loved the days of Incy Wincy Spider, raspberries on tummies at nappy changes, carrying sleeping children from the back of the car. I adored being there for first steps, wobbly teeth, milestone moments. But I love having bigger children more. And I was missing out in those 12 hours each week.

So today it rained all day and that was just fine with me. This morning we talked about marketing and advertising, mind mapping and important messages to get across, we looked at poster design and talked about business opportunities. We all listened to Popmaster. Scarlett sorted out her seaglass stash and decided on some new jewelery to make. I made soup, soda bread, cheese scones and bread dough. We all had lunch and chatted and listened to music. Conversations too wide reaching, diverse and numerous to mention or even recall happened and everything felt back on track and in it's natural place once mor
I nipped down to the polytunnel to water and do a bit of fiddling about for an hour and then we all went to the village to listen to a talk from a woman visiting Rum for a few days who happens to be a foraging expert and wanted to share her passion, knowledge and enthusiasm and teach us a bit about the resources here on Rum. She was fascinating, really exciting to be in the company of and a timely reminder of the wealth of opportunity and possibility here on Rum. It was fab to feel inspired and enlivened once again about what we're doing now and most importantly what we can do in the future.